Personify the Universe

August 21, 2025

I have a large bout of misfortune in my life. Enough so that Joshua’s therapist remarked about it, unprompted. “Did he happen to piss anybody off in the cosmos?”

I am not religious. I think it is pompous for anyone to think they know what’s out there, outside this planet, waiting for us all. I don’t care what you believe in (as long as you don’t make it my problem), but I’ve always felt weird about all these different people being so confident that I’m going to hell for kissing guys, or that God is watching over them when they screw up, or that putting two animal products in one dish will cause the fiery pits of the underworld to open out from underneath them. Isn’t life already hard enough without being so certain that some guy in the universe wants you to follow a bunch of rules all the time?

But I do believe there’s something out there. It doesn’t make sense to me that everything we know, just as we know it, suddenly blinked into existing. I don’t know if that’s one big guy in white robes snapping his fingers, or a bunch of a little aliens in a variety of gelatinous, technicolor hues. Whatever it is, I like to talk to it like it’s just some dude I know that can really rock my shit if he wanted to. I respect their authority over me.

I’ve done it ever since I was a kid. Asking the universe to keep me safe, thanking it when it does, screaming at it when it doesn’t. Considering what actions I could make that might piss the it off, and what I can do so it’ll go easier on me. There is no real rhyme or reason to it. It could be Björk’s fault. But nonetheless, I do it. It is comforting to have something to blame in blameless situations.

I’ve had a few of those this year. Inadvertently making bad business decisions with in-person events, t-boning a guy who blew a stop sign, finding out my identity got stolen while I was waiting for a $40 entrée to cook at a ritzy restaurant in Panama City. Josh has been periodically cracking up about this SNL skit Mike Meyers did a few months back for their big 50th anniversary, reviving his old purple-clad character, Lisa— with an equally colorful vocabulary. Maybe the secret to life is that there are no big whoops, just a series of small, agonizing whoops. He says this to me almost every time something small yet agonizing happens to me. Money lost. A caved-in Corolla, ice-cold cod on a bed of mashed potatoes (which Josh later told me was pretty mid straight out of the fridge).

For everything bad that happens in my life, it is matched by immeasurable good. Wonderful friends. A brother, sister-in-law, and nephew I adore. A life partner that is as capable as he is charismatic. A job that engages, challenges, and fulfills me. Chocolate cake by the slice from Giant Eagle. The cool breeze on a covered front porch, and a fully repaired, smooth as butter, sticker-clad Hyundai Santa Fe named Agnes. I could write a bulletin just on things that make my life good. And I am so deeply thankful to whatever— whoever— in the universe made that all possible for me.

In the studio, 2025 has been an absolute marathon— really since April. I currently have some very exciting projects on the books with local clients, am finishing up my final product designs for 2025— stationery galore and holiday goodies alike, and am planning my very first in-person workshop. I’ll give you a little sneak preview of the work I’m actually allowed to share below— because it’s mine, haha! I can’t wait to start packing up Q4 orders and opening the windows more often and listening to Everybody Scream on repeat. Until next week, be brave with wherever you find yourself— in this last sweaty stretch of August. See you soon.